Late P-Day (4/1/08)

If you're wondering why you're getting this on Tuesday instead of Monday, it is because we went to the temple today. We are only allowed to go on P-day once every three months, but the temple is closed on Monday. Therefore we have to email today. The temple took up a lot of time so I'm short on minutes again today. Elder C. only emails President so he has to wait a while for me. Hopefully next week we can get the full hour again.[1]

I'm going to wait on the package until after Conference. I am sending back my gray suit because both pairs of pants are worn.[2] After Conference  we get to take off our jackets and I'll be in slacks but I can't afford to have only one suit at the moment. I'm concerned about removing the jacket. It hides my obesity.

I also discovered that my camera has a video feature on it so when I send the package you'll get some video clips of me, Elder C., members, and a goofy little  dog.

I think I would like the History of the Church. Getting it sent will be the biggest obstacle, I think. If they have it on CD that would be the most economic but if not paperback would be good.

I got a letter from Bishop Jones with highlights of all the missionaries from our ward. It was good to hear Ryan [last name redacted] sent in his papers. They included excerpts from all the missionaries' letters home. To preface mine they said I charm people with my unique spirit. "Unique spirit" is clearly a euphemism for weirdo--but oh, well.[3]

I hate having such little time to email. Hopefully I really will write snail mail today and I can tell you all the amazing things happening. I'll give you a brief recap--Duane and Vickie's baptism has been postponed because Duane is on probation; some members brought a friend to church and we put her on-date for baptism, only to discover she's not in our ward; and Chelsea, a 15-year-old we taught a little bit, is on date by the elders up in Chewelah (chuh-WEE-luh)!

I hope to give you greater details!

Love, Elder Melville

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[1] Elder C. was very disobedient, and he refused to write letters on P-Day “because there’s plenty of time to write throughout the week,” and he would even discourage me from writing on P-Day. What a jerk.

[2] This is one experience that has led me not to trust Mr. Mac. The pants of this suit had holes worn on the inside of the thighs, and even the jacket began wearing out after only three months! My mom took the suit back, and the salesman tried to replace it with the same suit. My mom said, “That’s the same suit, it will just wear out again.” He responded, “Well, if you’re a missionary with thunder thighs, that’s going to happen.” Not to mention the fact that they tailored my slacks (not the ones with the suits) literally four inches larger in the waist than they measured me.

[3] My mom often forwarded these emails to other ward members, but apparently she didn’t forward this one because of this “weirdo” comment. The Bishop apologized to her because he didn’t mean it that way. I mostly said it in jest, and I explained that in a later letter.

Briefly (3/24/08)

So I know you're on vacation, which means you probably won't read this for a while. But today we didn't reserve computers at the library, so I only get a half hour today, so I have to keep it simple. It was a very eventful week so I will try to write you a snail mail if I can find the time. We are super busy--which is good--so I don't know how soon I'll be able to send it off. I'm also sending a package home soon but I'll wait until you're home from your trip.

Love,

Letter Mark[1]

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[1] A few months before I left, someone had posted a sign in my neighborhood that said, “Welcome home, Elder D!” My mom read it to my four-year-old niece, Allie, and said they could make a similar sign for me. But a four-year-old has never heard of “Elder D,” but they have heard of “the letter D.” So Allie began saying that they would make a sign for me that said, “Welcome home, Letter Mark!” I was sorely disappointed when I returned home and six-year-old Allie had insisted on “Elder Mark” instead of “Letter Mark.”

(no subject) (3/17/08)

[1]So my new companion is another white nerdy Utah boy with glasses who worked at Wal-Mart[2] so it makes the Church seem less diverse than when I was with Elder Ch., a Hawaiian Californian Renaissance Man. It will definitely be a different experience with Elder Co. He looks like Chicken Little. He is kind of what happens if you cross me and Elder Ch. as far as various interests go.

I'm officially no longer a greenie but the wards don't tend to think so and they don't really trust me.[3] Oh, well. It's not my permanent ward.

Sorry I didn't send a paper letter this week. There wasn't anything else I really needed to say and I didn't have time. I might try to write you a little less so I can catch up on writing back the other people who've written me.

So our new district consists of Elder Melville and Elder Co.; Elder C. J., district leader, and his greenie, Elder D. (I listed them in our phone as My Two Sons,[4] and whenever I see it the <i>My Three Sons</i> theme pops into my head, so I might have to change that); Elder Cly. and Elder B., the latter of whom is sort of notorious for being an apostate;[5] Elder G. and Elder Cla., zone leaders; and Sister Sha. and Sister Shi., the latter of whom had an anxiety attack during district meeting.

Yesterday Duane, our investigator, showed up at church and participated in classes. They are so completely golden. There is a scary possibility with them with a funny story behind it. When he was on the wrong track Duane stole a computer from Wal-Mart then fell asleep in the car in the parking lot. He also tried to load thirty lawnmowers on a truck and steal the truck. He was caught with both crimes but they were going to let the lawnmower charge go since he was going to jail for the computer. Now, four years later, the lawnmowers have come back so he has a court hearing in a few weeks. We hope they'll let him off.

Speaking of jail, our drunk investigator (who was sober when we saw him this week) might go to jail because he was charged with indecent exposure and then failed to go to court. He wants to go to jail so he can quit smoking and drinking but he worries without medication he'll die in jail. I've never met someone who wanted to go to jail before.

Well, the Welshes[6] are going to take us to Costco and Elder Co. is waiting for me even though I have a while left on the computer. If I think of anything else important I'll write you a snail mail.

Happy St. Patrick's Day and Easter. The 22nd or the 23rd (I can't remember which) is the earliest Easter can be so this is an unusual year.[7] My tie isn't terribly green but no one wants to pinch missionaries, as far as I know....[8]

--Elder Melville

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[1] I don’t know whether I forgot to give the email a subject, or if I consciously typed “(no subject).”

[2] I worked in the Walmart deli from June to October 2007.

[3] I’m so quiet that people thought I was green even in my last area.

[4] Both their names ended in “son” (I edited the names out for the internet).

[5] “Apostate” in mission lingo means disobedient. This elder toned it down by the time I met him.

[6] The couple we lived with.

[7] Easter was on March 23, 2008, the earliest I can remember.

[8] I had asked my family to send me a tie that was unquestionably green, so what did they do? They sent me a tie and said, “I’m not sure this is green enough for you.” Exactly what I wanted them not to do. They said they wanted it to match the suit. :/

Transfers (3/10/08)

Tomorrow are transfers. I'm staying in Mead and receiving an Elder S. Co. (I don't know if that's correct spelling)[1] while  Elder Ch. goes to Coeur d'Alene to be a zone leader. I'm terrified about being left with an area. I know as far as my benefit goes it's better than me going to a completely new area--then I'd feel like it was my first day again--but it's really scary.

Last transfer everyone stayed the same and this time every companionship is changing. It will be an interesting experience. Elder C. J. has been out six months and this will be his first time as a district leader and trainer. Elder Ch. doesn't really like my new companion but Elder J. does. I don't know yet because I don't meet him until tomorrow. We are also getting an elder with a lot of rumors--bad thing--and Sister S., the odd duck I wrote about who showed me the video of her skirt flying up.[2] This will be a  veeerry interesting transfer for Elder J. I will officially be no longer green, which is both good and bad because I am sick of being new but I no longer have an excuse for my mistakes.

I had my first baptism this week but I don't feel like  it's anything special because I only taught her two pre-baptism lessons--not the real lessons--and her dad baptized her.  It was a  ten-year-old in a less-active family.[3]

We have a couple of new  investigators. Duane and Vickie are golden--they already are planning for baptism and we just started teaching them. They know the Church is true and Duane knew he had to quit coffee since the Church doesn't use it before we even talked about baptism. There are so many fantastic things denoting their readiness that I'm not even going to try.[4]

Mark is not so golden. Three of the four times we've met with him he's been drunk. The other time he was going through withdrawals. We gave a shave and a haircut to him (Elder Ch. did the hair, and yes, I shaved a drunk man's beard) and he liked it then but last night when he was drunk he told us he didn't like us and if we wouldn't get a book from the bookstore for him he wouldn't let us keep coming over. We're going to see him tonight and see what the case is with that.  He is lonely which is why we're meeting him and why he's an alcoholic. It just makes me realize how inspired the Word of Wisdom is. Between the beer and the cigarettes--LOTS of those--we leave his apartment smelling terrible.[5]

We teach a less-active woman's unbaptized ADHD kids who are very funny. We need to take a tape recorder to the lessons. Last week the ten-year-old boy was talking about how his mom has the Gift of the Holy Ghost but sometimes she loses it when she yells at them. Elder Ch. was teaching repentance and said, "Let's say you cheated on a test." His response was, "How did you know?" When he saw "Another Testament of Jesus Christ" on the Book of Mormon, not realizing it was the same as the one he already had, he said, "This must be the second season!"

By the way, thanks for the package, although the g's are way too big. I'm excited about the books and candy.[6] Regarding the History of the Church, I know it's big, which is why I wasn't totally sure I wanted you to send it. It would not be something that I would want to have one volume at a time--I would like it for a reference, not for something just to read through (I have enough of that).[7] I wonder if they have it on CD. That would be less convenient as far as reference  goes but would be easier for shipping and carrying purposes. I still would like one of the said media but it's no big rush, hurry or desire. I'm not asking for it now but next time you do send a package I might like a Children's  Songbook both as the small book and the CDs. I really like some of the primary songs--I just wish the CDs didn't have them sung by children since that can get tiresome.[8]

It seems like there was something else I was going to write. I know I'll think of it later and hopefully I can put it in my snail mail. Next week you should get the installment concerning my new cpmpanion and taking the reins of the area.

Love,

Elder Melville

P.S. If you want a laugh, read Mosiah 12:1.[9]

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[1] Remember that I am not including full names, or even unabbreviated names of my companions, for privacy’s sake.

[2] See this post.

[3] I don’t think they remained active. I wish I had done things differently in the ensuing transfers, but I didn’t know any better.

[4] Duane and Vickie are one of the great mysteries of my mission. They were golden and very excited for baptism, but then they just quit really talking to us. Duane was a recovering addict/criminal, and his probation was extended, which delayed baptism, so that might have had something to do with it; but they were really gung ho, and then stopped.

[5] We started visiting Mark because his therapist was a member in a different ward. Mark did later quit drinking, though after we had quit visiting. The member would make comments about me being scared of him. I resented the comment, but he was somewhat right. Thanks to Mark and other people, I can no longer distinguish the smells of beer and cigarettes from each other. They just go together.

[6] She sent me the JST of the New Testament and Easter candy. Easter was on March 23 that year, the earliest I’ve ever seen it.

[7] My mom had suggested she could send me one volume at a time of History of the Church and I could send them back when I was done.

[8] I did come to enjoy listening to the Children’s Songbook CDs, since missionary music is limited. But the music on the CDs is terrible! So bad!

[9] “And it came to pass that after the space of two years that Abinadi came among them in disguise, that they knew him not, and began to prophesy among them, saying: Thus has the Lord commanded me, saying—Abinadi, go and prophesy unto this my people.” Pro tip: If you’re going to wear a disguise, don’t tell them your name!

Interesting week (3/3/08)

This continues my series of mission letters. For a few weeks there, the Sundays when I post these had the same date as the letters themselves, but 2008's Leap Day threw that off.

I'll start with the ugly this week and if I have time I'll get to the good.

Last week we stopped by an inactive member. He was really nice--if not really believing or keeping the commandments--and let us in and said we could come back sometime maybe if we were in the area.

Saturday I went on an exchange with an Elder T. and we drove by a house where news vans were taking pictures of flowers on the lawn. Elder T. said the windows were boarded up. I didn't look because I was driving, and I didn't pay complete attention to where we were. Well, it turned out that the inactive member was stabbed a few days after we had met  with him, as well as the girl he was dating. I've heard they think alcohol and drugs were involved. The murderer (who has been caught) tried to burn the house down to hide the evidence but didn't succeed.[1] I think the dad, who lives about sixty miles away, is the only active one in their family. They're not having an LDS funeral.

***********

When I was on the week-long exchange with Elder R. we taught a lesson to an investigator, Kristy, and her less-active boyfriend, Doug, with the Elders' Quorum president there. When we got there he had already started his own lesson about the scriptures so we didn't have an opportunity to teach what we had planned. As we left Elder R. remarked about how he hated when members talked the whole time.

We've been meeting with a less-active man, Richard S., who married a non-member, and last Sunday our bishop asked us to prepare a lesson that would motivate him to invite his wife to hear the lessons.

The Elders' Quorum President told our ward mission leader that it seemed we didn't have anything planned at that lesson we had with Doug and Kristy--but he was the one who prevented us from teaching us what we had planned!

We prayed and thought to know what to teach Richard, and we decided on the MMTC (Member Missionary Training Center), a four-week lesson designed by previous missionaries to motivate members to do missionary work. The bishop was there and he seemed like  everything was fine.

Yesterday (Sunday), however, at ward council the bishop chewed us out  for not planning an appropriate lesson for Richard, followed by the Elders' Quorum President telling us we need to plan and pray about our lessons. It's just so frustrating that they think we don't plan when we totally do. The bishop thinking we taught the wrong lesson is one thing  but thinking we didn't plan, as well as the Elders' Quorum President thinking we didn't plan when he's the one who prevented us from teaching our lessons, made us quite upset yesterday.[2]

*******

OK, I've vented  and I don't have time to write about good stuff. I'll try to do that in my snail mail. (Sorry I didn't send a paper letter this past week--I wrote back to Tammy two months after they wrote me.)[3]

--Elder Melville

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[1] See this post, including this article and this article.

[2] I remember my companion remarking that that attitude was why that ward hadn’t had any baptisms in years.

[3] My cousin’s family sent me a letter while I was in the MTC. People care about you when you’re in the MTC, then they forget all about you. In the last year, I’ve been filing the letters I received on my mission, and I still have this one.

Bonne Semaine, Ma Famille (2/25/08)

This continues my series of reposting mission letters from ten years ago. There was not a letter the previous week because it was Presidents' Day.

Greetings, family!

To answer your question, yes, Elder C. is good and healthy again. For some reason I have been extremely tired in the mornings this past week but I don't feel sick.

Well, there are two weeks left in this transfer which will officially be the end of my training period. I'm terrified because after that it means I'm  responsible for everything I don't know and I don't have an excuse of being trained. Of course I'll still be a greenie but my training will be up. Elder C. thinks that he will be transferred and I will stay in the area and get my mom (your trainer is your dad and your second companion is your mom). I'm scared of being the  more knowledgeable one about the area. Of course, he could be wrong, but he's always stayed in the same area three transfers and this is his third coming to a close.

It would be sad for either of us to leave at this time because the work is really picking up. Since last Sunday we got five new investigators. We're probably putting someone on date for baptism tonight. And we have an awesome fellowshipper for another investigator. Some  ward members called and told us they had someone for us to teach, and the lesson went really  well, especially since it was in the members' home  and they were able to participate and help us out answering anti  questions she'd heard about the temple. The work has really picked up and I'm excited.

With the package you send could you also send the Gospel Principles manual for Sunday School? That's the one we as missionaries attend and I would like my own copy of the manual.[1] I'm also coveting some things I'm not sure are legal, the Joseph Smith Translation[2] and the more bulky and costly History of the Church.[3] I understand completely if you can't send those and I don't really need them but I think they might be interesting supplemental material, assuming they're approved reading.

In honor of President Hinckley we (the mission) are reading the Book of Mormon in 97 days.[4] I am also trying to get through the Old Testament. This week I hope to finish Jacob and Psalms for each of those. I honestly don't know why everyone likes the Psalms so much. It's like reading the hymn book but worse because it doesn't rhyme and I don't know the tunes! I'm  trying to assign myself a number of chapters a day to get  through. I do three of the Book of Mormon and this week I'll try to do six Psalms, since I failed this week getting through with seven a day because I failed the week before with doing sixteen a day. Luckily most of the Psalms are short but I still have to get past 119--the killer one.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what to write. I guess I feel not like writing much because there's so much good that it would take too long to do everything or I wouldn't do justice to some things.

Well, it was nice to email  you  again, and hopefully I'll have more exciting news next week--which  will be the last P-day of the transfer (although technically it'll be the same for the first three days of the next transfer).

--Elder Melville

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[1] Smart phones had barely been invented at this time, and there was no such thing as an iPad. It’s so weird to me that I would have to ask for a physical manual!

[2] My family later sent me the JST of the New Testament.

[3] I still have History of the Church on my bookshelf, after they sent it up with the members we lived with, but after working in the field of Mormon history, I realize how obsolete it is.

[4] Gordon B. Hinckley died at age 97.

Lamentations (February 11, 2008)

It was an interesting week when Elder Melville decided to write his weekly email in the third person. First-person narratives get a little tedious to write so he decided to give an attempt at a more unusual approach.

He felt that all of his emails said the same thing--"This week wasn't so good but next will be better"--week after week. The week of February 4 through the 11th was another failure week but he was much too busy really to notice.

The evening of the fourth, after the Monday letters had been sent, he and his companion were driving to dinner when Elder C. hit a pothole. They can be difficult to avoid in the state named after the first president, but this one was particularly disastrous.[1] First came the kalunk-kalunk that  was the hitting the pothole--then the more ominous swiswiswisswis followed by the completely bothersome gunkgunkgunkgunk as they drove down the road before pulling off to examine their flat tire. Elder C. could not figure out how to utilize the jack--something was weird about it--and  Elder Melville was even more ignorant about pretty much everything so he did not even try to figure it out. The members with whom they were having dinner picked them up and then assisted with the tire change after their meal. On Wednesday Elder Melville and Elder R. went and got the wheel fixed and they are still waiting for Discount Tire Co. to call saying they have the tire in (the missionaries as of this date are driving on a loaner tire from the store which works fine).

But the  reason Elder Melville went with Elder R. is another interesting account.

Back to Monday...

Some  elders from the other district in the zone came and played dodgeball for P-day. One companionship[2] spent the day with Elder C., and on their way back up to their area took Elder Melville's backpack, in addition to their own, since it was identical. Elder Melville's scriptures and <i>Preach My Gospel</i> were in the bag so he had to borrow other copies for a few days. The elders had come down with a member who works in their area, so on Tuesday Elder C. and Elder Melville went to take the backpack from the car the member drives. Only that day the member had driven a different car and they didn't know it. So the next day Elder Melville went with Elder R. to the right car. The backpack was in it but the car was locked. The Colville missionaries told Elder Melville that it would be in the same car the next day but that the member would leave one door unlocked. Rather than use up miles to acquire said backpack, Elder Melville called the sister missionaries to pick it up on their way home since it was in their area. They picked it up and asked for a ransom of a crown that said "Queen M."[3] to be exchanged Saturday evening  but Elder Melville surprised them on Friday morning with a much more utilitarian ransom of a baptismal record they needed.

Back to Monday again...

Elder C. became sore after playing dodgeball and went to  bed sore.

Progressing to Tuesday...

Elder C. woke up with a headache and sore muscles and therefore slept in, which made it difficult for Elder Melville to have the willpower to get up, but he did anyway. Elder C. did eventually arouse his faculties[4] and was able to conduct district meeting that morning. The two missionaries stopped for a meeting with a silly old lady but she was sick and kicked them out after they gave her a blessing.[5] They  went home where Elder C. lay in bed, with a temperature over 100. That evening they went to the place of the zone leaders, Elder G. and Elder R., since Elder G. didn't feel well either. Elder R. and Elder Melville worked that evening and then stayed the night  in Mead which was Elder Melville's area. While  Elder Melville and Elder R.  fixed the tire, the sickos went to the doctor and later learned that Elder G. had mono and Elder C. had pneumonia--which led to a multi-day exchange that will last until Friday, February 15.[6]

Elder Melville spent too long on the computer and began to run out of time as he shared his account of the week. It was quite an experience and he wished he could have given it more justice. He hopes to be able to through snail mail but he doubts he will because of the various events  happening.

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[1] Don’t complain about potholes not being fixed in Utah until you have been to Washington.

[2] Elder E. and Elder D. Elder D. was notorious for being “apostate”—in the mission sense when he was on his mission, and the literal sense once his mission was finished.

[3] See this letter.

[4] See Alma 32:27.

[5] Sister Stubbs. I think she had recently been reactivated and we were teaching her. She wasn’t rude in “kicking us out.”

[6] It ended sooner than that.