Many years ago, my grandparents used to have nights when they would have a grandchild over at their house and have dinner with them and then get them a present. Being one of the younger grandkids, I didn't get much of that. But I do remember two such occasions.
On one of them, I was four or five. I remember going to the store with my grandma and she got me a Pinocchio book. At the checkout, I saw some Tic-Tacs, and I wanted them, so she got them for me. Then we went back to their house and I watched The Jungle Book. I fell asleep on their futon-esque chair. Then my mom came back to pick me up, and my grandma told her about getting me Tic-Tacs. She probably thought it was a strange thing for a little kid like me.
I think I spent the night at their house one night when my mom had her gallbladder taken out, but that doesn't really count.
The other special night was I think when I was eight. I think they were trying to spend time with all the grandkids before leaving on a mission. I wanted to get pizza, so they got a pepperoni for me and a more mature one for them. Since I was the only one eating the one pizza, I ate five slices. While my cousins went to places like the Nickelcade, I just wanted to stay at their house. I had become interested in watching figure skating, and I noticed that they had a lot of old tapes of it, so I wanted to watch those. But soon that bored me, so we watched family videos instead. I wanted to watch Christmas 1988, when I was a baby, but since I wasn't even three months old, I had only a very brief cameo in a yellow outfit when David picked me up. The 1989 and 1990 Christmas videos were much more interesting. In the 1989 video, Susanne was eating a candy cane, and Grandpa was telling her to take it out of her mouth when she was on our brand new trampoline. I thought Grandpa was saying that in real life to her on the video, so I looked over at him. When we watched the 1990 video, Grandma was saying that my cousin Tammy was 14 at that time. The next morning, they took me to a video game store. The salesman recommended two video games for me, either Super Mario Land or Jeep Jamboree, but since I already had the Mario game, I got the Jeep game. As they were driving me home in their van, I remember saying that we (my family) were poor. Grandma started saying, "Well, you have..." and I said that I meant we were poor moneywise. (I'm not sure why I thought that--we weren't rich by any means, but I don't think we were poor.)
I even remember the day David came home from his night. We were at a T-ball game for one of my cousins, and my grandparents met us there. David had gotten the game Red Alert for Virtual Boy. During the T-ball game, Grandma kept yelling "Run run run run!" to the kids, and a toddler named Kahlil was copying her, and she said, "I have an echo!"
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
March 15-18, 2013
Now that Valentine's Day is over, I'm going to remember last year's St. Patrick's Day and surrounding days.
March 15 was a Friday. That evening, I went to a historical geology test review. There was a problem with the review, because the TA had one answer on her key that was wrong. One girl had gone to take the test immediately after the review, and she told us of the problem. That night I walked home, talking to one of my classmates, Cameron, and as I got home, I told him I would see him in the morning, since we were going on a field trip.
We met at the ESC early on March 16. We loaded up in vans and drove off to go to Spanish Fork Canyon. One of my classmates, Chris, was driving, but he was nervous to do so, and he put his iPod in. We drove through Springville, and one of my classmates said we had passed his house--he could have slept in and just been picked up, rather than him having to drive to campus. We stopped by the windmills of Spanish Fork, and a freezing wind was blowing. A memorial cross was on the hill, and Dr. Britt joked, "Once there was a BYU student who froze to death on this field trip, and she is buried under that cross." Before we left that place, I asked Dr. Britt, "Are those faceted spurs?" and he confirmed that they were. Some vans took off, but they were driving in the wrong direction. Dr. Britt motioned for them to turn around, but they kept going in that direction. We drove to our next stop on the side of the road, where we looked at red shale with a few fossils in it. When we left, my van's driver was annoyed with Dr. Britt for driving fast onto the highway around a curve. We stopped at another place nearby, and we walked along looking at red, gray, and green shale. (I realized I couldn't see the green shale because I'm a little colorblind.) They showed us how to use geologic compasses; our TA said, "Is anyone here not a geology major?" I said I was just a minor, and she said, "I think geology minors need to take 210." I said they didn't, but I was going to take it anyway, so she said that everyone there needed to learn to use the compasses. Then we left and kept going to different places. oAt We went to a place with Triassic limestone, and we got out to find fossils. During a bathroom break, some girls brought back a toilet they had found at an abandoned house nearby. Finding fossils was a little rough. I found a small shell fossil, and when someone said they couldn't find any fossils, I told them I found a shell, but they thought I was talking about a snail shell that was not a fossil. I showed my findings to Dr. Britt, but not all of them were fossils. We were on a steep mountain near a pond that smelled like sulfur, and it was a very nice day. I found some very nice ripple marks, but I decided not to take the rock, so someone else did. That made me feel better. Eventually we had to stop someplace where we had to climb through a barbed wire fence to look at a tufa deposit--I had never heard of tufa before. I found a nice leaf fossil in the tufa, but the rock was too big for me to want to take it with me, especially since tufa is sharp. There was a fault across the road. Closer to Price, we saw some coal. We even stopped at a place where they had a bunch of salt for salting roads, and being geologists we licked some. Near the coal, my classmate Bart complimented me on my St. Patrick's Day shirt--he asked if it was St. Patrick's Day and if I was Irish. We looked at a formation in Price, and I thought it was wasteful for us to drive that far when we hardly did anything. On our way back to campus, I wrote my writeup for the field trip.
When I got home, I was sunburned and dirty, so I was glad to take a shower. I think I went grocery shopping. At one point, there was a knock on the door, and there was this black guy there. He was really nice, and I invited him in. He had some broken teeth, and he explained that he was trying to raise money to go to college. I decided to buy a children's dictionary to donate to charity. He explained that some girls he had been talking to arranged an appointment with him with missionaries. He saw the picture of the First Presidency on our wall, and I explained who they were. He said that many years before, he had met President Hinckley, who had given him a Book of Mormon, and he said that he afterwards learned that he was the Mormon equivalent of the Pope.
That night, I asked my roommates if they wanted to get mint Blizzards from Dairy Queen, since it would be my last time to have a milkshake until Halloween time, since I've never heard of Easter or Fourth of July shakes. They seemed keen on the idea. However, later, some girls came by with food from Sammy's to thank Scott for something. So Bryton and I went out, barely making it to Dairy Queen before they closed. "Some Nights" by fun. was playing on the radio, and Bryton said, "These are edgy lyrics," but it turned out he had misheard the lyrics. (It's still edgy, though.) We both got medium mint brownie Blizzards. When I got my change from the drive-thru window, they dropped it and I had to pick it up off the ground. Then Bryton and I went home, and we watched the "Leprechaun" episode of Bewitched. Scott came in too, and he said he could tell the actor wasn't Irish.
The next day, St. Patrick's Day, Scott was playing Handel music because he thought one song sounded jig-like. I put on my green pants and green socks, my orange belt, and my shamrock tie, and we went to church. Scott wanted to walk one particular way, but then he ended up talking with other girls, so I left him behind. I was looking at the ground, and my former home teachee Emily (who had moved out of the ward) said she loved me when she saw my outfit. I think I gave an inappropriate response. (Maybe that's why she unfriended me.) As I was walking up to church, David Jones complimented me on my pants, and then again on my socks. As I got up to our church room, Bishop saw me and said I was his hero for my outfit. When I was counting attendance, my horse friend Kristen gestured to my glasses and said she liked all my green. After sacrament meeting, a girl named Hannah said she liked that I was wearing orange as well, and she said St. Patrick's Day was one of her favorite holidays, and I said it was my least favorite. I had to go do something at some of the other Sunday School classes, so when I went to them, the teachers liked my outfit, and as I was walking in the Wilk, I heard someone say, "I think we have a winner," and I only assumed she was talking about me. When I left church, I was walking home and some people were yelling from a car. I couldn't hear them, but I assumed they were yelling at me. My elitist roommate Cameron was making green minty cookies for a party, but he couldn't find his food coloring (since Scott had used it to color milk and orange juice green), so I lent him mine. He told me that he liked that I had made everything in the fridge green, but I told him it wasn't me, so he said he would have to untag me from the picture on Facebook. Later I made dinner, and I listened to the Lower Lights while I did so. I had some trouble getting Scott's stereo to work, but I got it, and Cameron came home and told me he liked the music. I made a blog post about my day before.
The next day, I remember getting on Facebook at the library, since I had been fasting from it for a few days. After school, I pulled out my Easter decorations and put them out, and then I went to Smith's to get some Easter candy to put in my Easter jar. I think Cameron asked me if I was going to put out Easter stuff, not realizing that I had already done so.
March 15 was a Friday. That evening, I went to a historical geology test review. There was a problem with the review, because the TA had one answer on her key that was wrong. One girl had gone to take the test immediately after the review, and she told us of the problem. That night I walked home, talking to one of my classmates, Cameron, and as I got home, I told him I would see him in the morning, since we were going on a field trip.
We met at the ESC early on March 16. We loaded up in vans and drove off to go to Spanish Fork Canyon. One of my classmates, Chris, was driving, but he was nervous to do so, and he put his iPod in. We drove through Springville, and one of my classmates said we had passed his house--he could have slept in and just been picked up, rather than him having to drive to campus. We stopped by the windmills of Spanish Fork, and a freezing wind was blowing. A memorial cross was on the hill, and Dr. Britt joked, "Once there was a BYU student who froze to death on this field trip, and she is buried under that cross." Before we left that place, I asked Dr. Britt, "Are those faceted spurs?" and he confirmed that they were. Some vans took off, but they were driving in the wrong direction. Dr. Britt motioned for them to turn around, but they kept going in that direction. We drove to our next stop on the side of the road, where we looked at red shale with a few fossils in it. When we left, my van's driver was annoyed with Dr. Britt for driving fast onto the highway around a curve. We stopped at another place nearby, and we walked along looking at red, gray, and green shale. (I realized I couldn't see the green shale because I'm a little colorblind.) They showed us how to use geologic compasses; our TA said, "Is anyone here not a geology major?" I said I was just a minor, and she said, "I think geology minors need to take 210." I said they didn't, but I was going to take it anyway, so she said that everyone there needed to learn to use the compasses. Then we left and kept going to different places. oAt We went to a place with Triassic limestone, and we got out to find fossils. During a bathroom break, some girls brought back a toilet they had found at an abandoned house nearby. Finding fossils was a little rough. I found a small shell fossil, and when someone said they couldn't find any fossils, I told them I found a shell, but they thought I was talking about a snail shell that was not a fossil. I showed my findings to Dr. Britt, but not all of them were fossils. We were on a steep mountain near a pond that smelled like sulfur, and it was a very nice day. I found some very nice ripple marks, but I decided not to take the rock, so someone else did. That made me feel better. Eventually we had to stop someplace where we had to climb through a barbed wire fence to look at a tufa deposit--I had never heard of tufa before. I found a nice leaf fossil in the tufa, but the rock was too big for me to want to take it with me, especially since tufa is sharp. There was a fault across the road. Closer to Price, we saw some coal. We even stopped at a place where they had a bunch of salt for salting roads, and being geologists we licked some. Near the coal, my classmate Bart complimented me on my St. Patrick's Day shirt--he asked if it was St. Patrick's Day and if I was Irish. We looked at a formation in Price, and I thought it was wasteful for us to drive that far when we hardly did anything. On our way back to campus, I wrote my writeup for the field trip.
When I got home, I was sunburned and dirty, so I was glad to take a shower. I think I went grocery shopping. At one point, there was a knock on the door, and there was this black guy there. He was really nice, and I invited him in. He had some broken teeth, and he explained that he was trying to raise money to go to college. I decided to buy a children's dictionary to donate to charity. He explained that some girls he had been talking to arranged an appointment with him with missionaries. He saw the picture of the First Presidency on our wall, and I explained who they were. He said that many years before, he had met President Hinckley, who had given him a Book of Mormon, and he said that he afterwards learned that he was the Mormon equivalent of the Pope.
That night, I asked my roommates if they wanted to get mint Blizzards from Dairy Queen, since it would be my last time to have a milkshake until Halloween time, since I've never heard of Easter or Fourth of July shakes. They seemed keen on the idea. However, later, some girls came by with food from Sammy's to thank Scott for something. So Bryton and I went out, barely making it to Dairy Queen before they closed. "Some Nights" by fun. was playing on the radio, and Bryton said, "These are edgy lyrics," but it turned out he had misheard the lyrics. (It's still edgy, though.) We both got medium mint brownie Blizzards. When I got my change from the drive-thru window, they dropped it and I had to pick it up off the ground. Then Bryton and I went home, and we watched the "Leprechaun" episode of Bewitched. Scott came in too, and he said he could tell the actor wasn't Irish.
The next day, St. Patrick's Day, Scott was playing Handel music because he thought one song sounded jig-like. I put on my green pants and green socks, my orange belt, and my shamrock tie, and we went to church. Scott wanted to walk one particular way, but then he ended up talking with other girls, so I left him behind. I was looking at the ground, and my former home teachee Emily (who had moved out of the ward) said she loved me when she saw my outfit. I think I gave an inappropriate response. (Maybe that's why she unfriended me.) As I was walking up to church, David Jones complimented me on my pants, and then again on my socks. As I got up to our church room, Bishop saw me and said I was his hero for my outfit. When I was counting attendance, my horse friend Kristen gestured to my glasses and said she liked all my green. After sacrament meeting, a girl named Hannah said she liked that I was wearing orange as well, and she said St. Patrick's Day was one of her favorite holidays, and I said it was my least favorite. I had to go do something at some of the other Sunday School classes, so when I went to them, the teachers liked my outfit, and as I was walking in the Wilk, I heard someone say, "I think we have a winner," and I only assumed she was talking about me. When I left church, I was walking home and some people were yelling from a car. I couldn't hear them, but I assumed they were yelling at me. My elitist roommate Cameron was making green minty cookies for a party, but he couldn't find his food coloring (since Scott had used it to color milk and orange juice green), so I lent him mine. He told me that he liked that I had made everything in the fridge green, but I told him it wasn't me, so he said he would have to untag me from the picture on Facebook. Later I made dinner, and I listened to the Lower Lights while I did so. I had some trouble getting Scott's stereo to work, but I got it, and Cameron came home and told me he liked the music. I made a blog post about my day before.
The next day, I remember getting on Facebook at the library, since I had been fasting from it for a few days. After school, I pulled out my Easter decorations and put them out, and then I went to Smith's to get some Easter candy to put in my Easter jar. I think Cameron asked me if I was going to put out Easter stuff, not realizing that I had already done so.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Snakes
A dream/nightmare about an abundance of rattlesnakes led me to recall the times I have encountered snakes in the wild. This does not include snakes in captivity (especially since my brother used to own a snake).
When I was probably five years old, I was with my cousins Rayce and Krishelle in Fillmore Canyon. We were sitting and talking on a picnic table a little bit away from the adults, talking about scary animals, such as black panthers. Suddenly, we heard a noise, and we deduced that it was a rattlesnake, so we ran away. However, it very well might have been an insect or something else--I think the topic of conversation just made us a little paranoid.
Another year when I was young, my cousin Brandon or maybe my uncle Ken had caught a rattlesnake and killed it and cooked it. I think my brother David had some and said it tasted like chicken.
In fall 1997, we were camping again, and Brandon caught a rattler or two. He had a disturbing need to kill things, so he had the dead snake sitting on the pavement, its organs spread out and still beating. My mom asked him for the skin, so he gave it to her.
On my mission, I noticed a dead snake squashed on the road in the tiny town of Harrington, WA.
In August 2010, I was running in Bountiful, and I looked at the sidewalk and thought, "My, that's a huge worm!" But while I was above it--with one foot on either side--I realized it was too squirmy for a worm, so it was a small snake. It probably wasn't poisonous, and it was pretty small, so I wasn't scared.
But on September 11, 2010, my family was all camping near Scipio, Utah. We saw a bunch of people from the adjoining camp walking by. At the front of the group, someone was holding a large stick out in front of him with a large snake perched on it. Soon after, one of my uncles went over to that group and asked about it--it had been a rattlesnake in or near their campsite, so they transferred it away. I thought it was idiotic to carry the snake away like that, and I worried about it coming to our campsite.
I'm OK with not getting a good look at rattlesnakes.
When I was probably five years old, I was with my cousins Rayce and Krishelle in Fillmore Canyon. We were sitting and talking on a picnic table a little bit away from the adults, talking about scary animals, such as black panthers. Suddenly, we heard a noise, and we deduced that it was a rattlesnake, so we ran away. However, it very well might have been an insect or something else--I think the topic of conversation just made us a little paranoid.
Another year when I was young, my cousin Brandon or maybe my uncle Ken had caught a rattlesnake and killed it and cooked it. I think my brother David had some and said it tasted like chicken.
In fall 1997, we were camping again, and Brandon caught a rattler or two. He had a disturbing need to kill things, so he had the dead snake sitting on the pavement, its organs spread out and still beating. My mom asked him for the skin, so he gave it to her.
On my mission, I noticed a dead snake squashed on the road in the tiny town of Harrington, WA.
In August 2010, I was running in Bountiful, and I looked at the sidewalk and thought, "My, that's a huge worm!" But while I was above it--with one foot on either side--I realized it was too squirmy for a worm, so it was a small snake. It probably wasn't poisonous, and it was pretty small, so I wasn't scared.
But on September 11, 2010, my family was all camping near Scipio, Utah. We saw a bunch of people from the adjoining camp walking by. At the front of the group, someone was holding a large stick out in front of him with a large snake perched on it. Soon after, one of my uncles went over to that group and asked about it--it had been a rattlesnake in or near their campsite, so they transferred it away. I thought it was idiotic to carry the snake away like that, and I worried about it coming to our campsite.
I'm OK with not getting a good look at rattlesnakes.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
People talking about me
I find myself surprised when people talk about me when I'm not around. I'm going to remember the times in which I learn that someone talks about me when I'm not there--either by overhearing it or by someone telling me. However, I am not going to remember times in which a relative is involved in the conversation. This is when people who aren't related to me have talked about me.
When I was in sixth grade, I learned that our ward was going to do baptisms for the dead very early one Saturday morning. I determined that if I was to get enough sleep to get up at that time, I would have to go to bed at 6:00 on Friday night. I was telling people that I was going to have to go to bed that early that Friday. Someone asked me if my mom was making me do that, and I said no. Later, someone came up to me and said, "Is it true that your mom makes you go to bed at 6:00 every night?"
In high school, my friend David Christensen was telling me that a bunch of people were talking about seeing a play at Bountiful High, and one of them said they should invite me. (They didn't, though.)
On my mission, there were plenty of times when people talked about me. Before I got transferred to my second area, an elder in the adjoining area told my new companion that in the MTC I had slept with my arms crossed.
In my third area, one P-day I was talking to Sister Shaner in my district. She said that she had met me briefly when they had come to pick up Sister Shinn from Spokane. Sister Shinn, once they were in the car, said to her, "That's Elder Melville. He's so funny. He wants to be a vampire."
When I got my penultimate companion, Elder Warren, he told me that his previous companion, Elder Bates, had told him that I was a real stickler for rules, and that I wouldn't be tolerant of face cards. (Which is false. The "no face cards" thing may be the most idiotic Mormon culture thing ever. Even dumber than blessing donuts.) He had also heard about the vampire thing.
On Thanksgiving in 2009, we were having dinner at our bishop's house. There were some other Church members there, and they asked Elder Tamblyn if he was the one they heard had lost all the weight. But it was me.
Such incidents in college have surprised me most. One Sunday night my first semester, my roommate Jeff Anderson had just come back after being gone for the weekend. I was in bed, but I was still awake. I heard him ask another roommate, Jeff Clegg, if I had been there that weekend. That really surprised me--someone was talking about me when I wasn't around, and it was completely neutral!
I learned that my room-roommate James had complained to Jeff Clegg that I kept looking at him and wondered why I kept looking out the window. That James hated all people, and I was especially awkward at that time. I could have been a better roommate, but I definitely could have used a better one.
One night during finals week, I had gone to bed, and I heard Jeff Clegg saying we should go to some hot springs in Spanish Fork. He was going to come get us, but Jeff Anderson told him that I had a final the next morning at 7.
That summer, a friend named Lori offered me a ride home after institute. She told me that she had been in a group of people talking, and someone brought me up, and they said they loved me. But I found that doubtful.
In May 2012, some girls dropped off some cinnamon rolls at our apartment. I didn't eat any, because they weren't in season. Shortly thereafter, they came back, and I mentioned that I only eat seasonal desserts. One girl, Hanna, said, "Wait, is that why you didn't eat the cinnamon roll? 'Cause I know you didn't." What had happened, apparently, is that my roommate Cameron told another girl, Carissa, that I didn't eat it, because I "said it wasn't in season." So then Carissa told the other girls, and said, "He said it was because it wasn't in season. It was a joke." But she didn't know that it really wasn't a joke!
Later that summer, another girl, Michelle, texted me, saying that her roommate Ellie said she reminded her of me, because that day she was only eating orange things.
November 2012, when I went to Death Valley, I was talking with a girl named Rachel, and I told her my major was English language. The next day, when we were in the vans, one of my classmates said, "Rachel told me you're an English language major." (I was glad that the "language" part got transferred and it wasn't just "English.")
Last year, after I had slipped and broke my teeth, I was in bed, but I was having a hard time falling asleep. I kept reliving the fall in my head. My roommate Bryton came in, and since I was awake, I said something to him. He told me that our roommate Scott had just told him what had happened to me.
In December, my roommate Jordan had bought some Christmas socks and had them sitting on the table. My roommate Scott (different than the one I just talked about) pointed them out to me, and I said that I didn't like the penguin ones, because penguins don't have anything to do with Christmas. We had a little conversation about it. Then later, Jordan jokingly said he was offended that I said his penguins couldn't celebrate Christmas.
On December 8, this same Scott had a bunch of people over at our apartment for hot chocolate. One of these people made a comment about my lack of enthusiasm. He said that his roommates David and Ben would always talk about me after ward council. He also heard that I had some picture of a terrible singer--and thus I introduced him to Jan Terri.
Similarly, recently the above-mentioned Ben was talking to me, and he said that Scott had been at his apartment and was telling them about the picture I have of a terrible singer.
Last week, Scott had some people over at our apartment. I was in my bedroom, and I heard one of the guests talking about our Valentine decorations. Scott told her, "Mark is very organized" and said something about my holiday stuff.
On Friday night, there was a tri-stake activity, and I was going to go to it, but when I got there, I couldn't find parking, so I just left, because I didn't want to go that badly. I came home and told Scott. Then later that night, I was in my room and I heard him quoting me to someone else.
Of course, there was this incident that I blogged about recently, and since I don't want to tell it again, I'm just copying and pasting:
" Last semester in my corpus linguistics class, I introduced myself with the interesting fact that I only eat seasonal desserts and candies. This trait fascinated the class, so they kept asking me about it, even to the point that it would eat into my presentation time. Therefore, I created a page on my class website to answer questions about it, but people would still ask me about it before class. At one of the tables at the journal fair on Thursday, there were two girls. One of them had been in that class. Before I left, she offered me some of the Christmas and Valentine candy they had on the table, but then she realized that maybe I couldn't have it. Then the other girl said, "Are you the guy who..." She had heard about me. She thought the other girl had told her about me. But then she asked if I had a website, but the first girl didn't know about that, so then I found out that the second girl had actually heard about me from another girl from that class, a girl who seemed more fascinated by my habits than anyone else was. I explained that it was too late for Christmas candy but too early for Valentine candy, but they told me I could take some Valentine candy to eat later."
The girl who had told her about my habits is part of a student journal I'm working on, and last week she asked me if I was eating Valentine hearts, right before I left. As I was walking out, I heard her telling the editor in chief, "He's a really cool guy, and he only eats..." I looked back at them because I thought it was funny, but I didn't stick around to hear what she said.
Of course, my calling requires people to talk about me. First they had to talk about me to give me the calling, and then people I don't know come up to me to get forms so they can get reimbursed.
I'm sure there have been other times as well.
I would rather have people talk about me because I only eat seasonal desserts than talk about me because I want to be a vampire.
When I was in sixth grade, I learned that our ward was going to do baptisms for the dead very early one Saturday morning. I determined that if I was to get enough sleep to get up at that time, I would have to go to bed at 6:00 on Friday night. I was telling people that I was going to have to go to bed that early that Friday. Someone asked me if my mom was making me do that, and I said no. Later, someone came up to me and said, "Is it true that your mom makes you go to bed at 6:00 every night?"
In high school, my friend David Christensen was telling me that a bunch of people were talking about seeing a play at Bountiful High, and one of them said they should invite me. (They didn't, though.)
On my mission, there were plenty of times when people talked about me. Before I got transferred to my second area, an elder in the adjoining area told my new companion that in the MTC I had slept with my arms crossed.
In my third area, one P-day I was talking to Sister Shaner in my district. She said that she had met me briefly when they had come to pick up Sister Shinn from Spokane. Sister Shinn, once they were in the car, said to her, "That's Elder Melville. He's so funny. He wants to be a vampire."
When I got my penultimate companion, Elder Warren, he told me that his previous companion, Elder Bates, had told him that I was a real stickler for rules, and that I wouldn't be tolerant of face cards. (Which is false. The "no face cards" thing may be the most idiotic Mormon culture thing ever. Even dumber than blessing donuts.) He had also heard about the vampire thing.
On Thanksgiving in 2009, we were having dinner at our bishop's house. There were some other Church members there, and they asked Elder Tamblyn if he was the one they heard had lost all the weight. But it was me.
Such incidents in college have surprised me most. One Sunday night my first semester, my roommate Jeff Anderson had just come back after being gone for the weekend. I was in bed, but I was still awake. I heard him ask another roommate, Jeff Clegg, if I had been there that weekend. That really surprised me--someone was talking about me when I wasn't around, and it was completely neutral!
I learned that my room-roommate James had complained to Jeff Clegg that I kept looking at him and wondered why I kept looking out the window. That James hated all people, and I was especially awkward at that time. I could have been a better roommate, but I definitely could have used a better one.
One night during finals week, I had gone to bed, and I heard Jeff Clegg saying we should go to some hot springs in Spanish Fork. He was going to come get us, but Jeff Anderson told him that I had a final the next morning at 7.
That summer, a friend named Lori offered me a ride home after institute. She told me that she had been in a group of people talking, and someone brought me up, and they said they loved me. But I found that doubtful.
In May 2012, some girls dropped off some cinnamon rolls at our apartment. I didn't eat any, because they weren't in season. Shortly thereafter, they came back, and I mentioned that I only eat seasonal desserts. One girl, Hanna, said, "Wait, is that why you didn't eat the cinnamon roll? 'Cause I know you didn't." What had happened, apparently, is that my roommate Cameron told another girl, Carissa, that I didn't eat it, because I "said it wasn't in season." So then Carissa told the other girls, and said, "He said it was because it wasn't in season. It was a joke." But she didn't know that it really wasn't a joke!
Later that summer, another girl, Michelle, texted me, saying that her roommate Ellie said she reminded her of me, because that day she was only eating orange things.
November 2012, when I went to Death Valley, I was talking with a girl named Rachel, and I told her my major was English language. The next day, when we were in the vans, one of my classmates said, "Rachel told me you're an English language major." (I was glad that the "language" part got transferred and it wasn't just "English.")
Last year, after I had slipped and broke my teeth, I was in bed, but I was having a hard time falling asleep. I kept reliving the fall in my head. My roommate Bryton came in, and since I was awake, I said something to him. He told me that our roommate Scott had just told him what had happened to me.
In December, my roommate Jordan had bought some Christmas socks and had them sitting on the table. My roommate Scott (different than the one I just talked about) pointed them out to me, and I said that I didn't like the penguin ones, because penguins don't have anything to do with Christmas. We had a little conversation about it. Then later, Jordan jokingly said he was offended that I said his penguins couldn't celebrate Christmas.
On December 8, this same Scott had a bunch of people over at our apartment for hot chocolate. One of these people made a comment about my lack of enthusiasm. He said that his roommates David and Ben would always talk about me after ward council. He also heard that I had some picture of a terrible singer--and thus I introduced him to Jan Terri.
Similarly, recently the above-mentioned Ben was talking to me, and he said that Scott had been at his apartment and was telling them about the picture I have of a terrible singer.
Last week, Scott had some people over at our apartment. I was in my bedroom, and I heard one of the guests talking about our Valentine decorations. Scott told her, "Mark is very organized" and said something about my holiday stuff.
On Friday night, there was a tri-stake activity, and I was going to go to it, but when I got there, I couldn't find parking, so I just left, because I didn't want to go that badly. I came home and told Scott. Then later that night, I was in my room and I heard him quoting me to someone else.
Of course, there was this incident that I blogged about recently, and since I don't want to tell it again, I'm just copying and pasting:
" Last semester in my corpus linguistics class, I introduced myself with the interesting fact that I only eat seasonal desserts and candies. This trait fascinated the class, so they kept asking me about it, even to the point that it would eat into my presentation time. Therefore, I created a page on my class website to answer questions about it, but people would still ask me about it before class. At one of the tables at the journal fair on Thursday, there were two girls. One of them had been in that class. Before I left, she offered me some of the Christmas and Valentine candy they had on the table, but then she realized that maybe I couldn't have it. Then the other girl said, "Are you the guy who..." She had heard about me. She thought the other girl had told her about me. But then she asked if I had a website, but the first girl didn't know about that, so then I found out that the second girl had actually heard about me from another girl from that class, a girl who seemed more fascinated by my habits than anyone else was. I explained that it was too late for Christmas candy but too early for Valentine candy, but they told me I could take some Valentine candy to eat later."
The girl who had told her about my habits is part of a student journal I'm working on, and last week she asked me if I was eating Valentine hearts, right before I left. As I was walking out, I heard her telling the editor in chief, "He's a really cool guy, and he only eats..." I looked back at them because I thought it was funny, but I didn't stick around to hear what she said.
Of course, my calling requires people to talk about me. First they had to talk about me to give me the calling, and then people I don't know come up to me to get forms so they can get reimbursed.
I'm sure there have been other times as well.
I would rather have people talk about me because I only eat seasonal desserts than talk about me because I want to be a vampire.
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